Faith Rewarded!
Nice to see Freedom of Speech still means something here in the U.S.
Oh, and the album is GREAT!
Well done Ladies... See you at MSG!
It seems to me that not a day goes by where something, someone, or some place truly annoys or confuses me. With this in mind I've decided to take my thoughts to the people! Hopefully this entertains a bit and please keep in mind at all times.... I DO NOT own a gun!
Happy Birthday to me....
With apologies to Dim, I'm ripping off some of his previous photos and using them here. Why? Cause they fit perfect with this birthday tale.
Who's Dim?
Dim is the author of "Dim City". It can be found in the links on the right side of this page. If you have an hour to kill it would be well worth your time to give it a full read. It is much better than mine. Serious Blog envy and if I ever get my sitcom idea off the ground I'm driving to Massachusetts and throwing Dim into my car and forcing him to write for the show.
And by "forcing" I mean there will be serious trouble if he doesn't come peacefully.
Anyway,
My wonderful MP3 player that I've had for the past two years finally shit the bed last week. It was a Creative Labs "Nomad", 40 gig MP3 player. It was a little bigger than an Ipod but did the same thing for around $150 less. I LOVED this thing. I own about 3,000 CDs and this thing had enough juice to hold the bulk of them. Did I mention I LOVED it? Took in the car and on the subway. Me and that thing have had some nice times together. I always liked how it enabled me to ignore drunks and crystal myth freaks in the Port Authority at night. Even fucked up insane people realize someone has headphones in and the music blaring from them is real. It was a wonderful tool.
Anyway, it stopped taking a charge last week. I couldn't figure out was wrong until the section where the power chord went just fell the fuck out. It was then that I said to myself... "This might be it" I was heart broken but knew I'd have some money coming in from my birthday this weekend and set out to replace it.
A new one still runs around $250. The only problem being, they stopped making the 40 gig and they are very hard to find new. They only make a 30 gig and a 60 gig and they are both the video player type. I don't need a video played in my MP3 player. They are to small to enjoy movies on and too big to hide porn in a public place.... ZERO use to me! Plus they are the "Zen Touch" models. What's a "Zen Touch?" It's a rip off of Apple's click wheel. BUT, it's VERY sensitive. You touch this thing and you're already nine spots from where you wanted to go in the blink of an eye. It drives you fucking crazy! In fact there is nothing remotely "zen" about it!
How do I know this? Because my buddy J.L., or as he's known on this blog: A.S.S., got one about a month ago. He got one only after I talked him out of getting an Ipod. I did this by telling him "Ipod's suck...They all break" I told him to read Dim's Take on this subject at the following link...
http://dim1313.blogspot.com/2006/01/i-heart-applesometimes.html
Anyway, I'm looking at this new generation of Creative lab players and thinking I really didn't like them. So I started shopping around. I finally settled on a new player and, yup, you guessed it! I BOUGHT A FUCKING IPOD!
Not a brand new one (that would be too smart)... I went onto the Apple website and searched for the "factory reconditioned" items. I picked out the 40 gig, 4th generation Ipod with the click wheel. It was only $200 and suited me fine. It was smaller than my Creative Labs player and size has become important to me these days. Not like a woman who just gave birth to twins the old fashioned way...But important all the same. I'm going to the gym more and more and getting in pretty good shape. Not saying you can bounce a single quarter off my stomach but a roll of quarters would go FLYING at this point! My MP3 player is just too big and bulky. It's too heavy to clip to my shorts and is always flying off the treadmill and crashing to floor. Not before it almost trips and kills me of course, and was actually becoming hazardous. I had bought a fanny pack to wear (or as I called it in front of my girlfriend: a "sports belt") but my girlfriend made such fun of it I returned it and got my money back. Apple makes a sports band that I can wear on my arm. I thought this would be great for the treadmill, the weight machine's and for the mountain bike I got for my birthday. The Ipod also holds a longer charge and all around was a better fit for me at this point.
So I ordered the "Factory Reconditioned" Ipod from Apple. Now, Apple promises these to work just as good as a new Ipod but truthfully that gave me no comfort. Everyone I know has had their Ipod crash and burn on them at least once in the first year after they got it. So, I figured I will be smart and get the extended warranty which fully covers me for two years. Also, I knew if I called my mom and told her all of this she would offer to send me a check and treat this as a birthday gift. So, that means.... FREE IPOD!!!
Anyway, I received this thing over the weekend and installed the Itunes software last night. The software pulled all the MP3s from my Creative software and organized them right into Itunes. "This is awesome" I said to myself. Then I hooked up the Ipod. Everything was fine until my computer froze and wouldn't do anything. The Ipod is flashing a "Do Not Disconnect" message and I'm waiting and waiting. After about 6 hours of this I disconnected the thing and that was it! DEAD! It wouldn't do a thing. I spent hours trouble shooting this on the Apple website and finally called costumer support. I got some guy from India on the phone and after an hour of broken English he had been only successful in disconnecting our phone call. I called back and got some guy named Brian on the phone. Well, Brian and I spent two hours troubleshooting until Brian finally announces "Sir, this Ipod is defective. You are going to have to send it back for repair"
"REPAIR!!!! I just got the fucking thing!" I responded in just those terms.
"I'm very sorry sir but there is nothing more we can do. You should have it back in a month"
"Factory Reconditioned".... They should call them... "Other people's broken shit that we "fixed" and polished for a sucker like you"
Now I'm thinking "I don't want to get this thing back, let alone in a MONTH!...It's already broken and it's only a day old"
I call Apple sales and bitch them out. They agree to send me a "new" one as soon as I mail this one back. I should have that by Friday. I would just tell them to take the whole thing back but I bought all the accessories (car charger, Sports Wrap, etc.) in anticipation of the Ipod's D.O.A
After I tell the women I spent FIVE hours on my birthday dealing with this shit she offers me a $25 credit and a giant "sorry" and I took it. I just wanted it over.
And now for the cherry on top of this shit sundae....
My mother calls me and tells me. "Don't cash that check. I quit my job"
Happy Birthday, indeed!
THE VATICAN!
One of the most corrupt organizations in the history of our planet is now telling you where and on what you should spend your money.
Again!
Of course, a few of their flock of blind sheep are heeding the word and staging protests through out the world! These people need to find a hobby of some sort. I recommend knitting or perhaps pottery.
The Catholic Church needs to get over itself! Just because they can help swing elections based on hatred of Gays does not give them the right to tell people what they can and can't watch!
Jesus!
And before you all start commenting about "How dare I call the Vatican corrupt" check out this link...
http://www.religioustolerance.org/pope_apo.htm
It's a site dedicated to some of the bigger sins of the church.
My personal favorite has always been the harboring of Nazis during WWII. Really stand up stuff!
I suppose they would rather have you donate your $10 into the collection plate this weekend than spend it on "The DaVinci Code" You know, that same collection plate from which they took the money to pay sexual assault victims for their silence! Money well spent!
Lost in all of this is the fact that "The DaVinci Code" is a work of FICTION! No one ever claimed it as fact! I've always felt the searching of answers and questioning of one's personal faith goes a long way to actually strengthening it! But, maybe that's just me.
Do I believe in Jesus? Yes I do.
Does that mean I take the Bible as anything more than a metaphor? No. I take it for what it is.... An easily digestible version of a 2,000 year old story. A blueprint, not a house made of stone.
However, I do believe in freedom of choice and will be choosing to see "The DaVinci Code" this weekend. And not at some matinee... I'm paying FULL price!
I'll drop my stub off in the collection plate on Sunday. Right after I get done mocking science, hating gay people and suppressing women. Ahh, a full day to look forward to...
All in the "name" of Jesus.
Hallelujah!
Let’s save a fucking tree for fucks sake!
Guess who’s back…back again….A.S.S. is back, that’s who!!!!!!!!!!
I’d like to talk a little bit today about receipts. You know….those little annoying fucking pieces of paper the incompetent check out boy insists on giving you even if you only are buying a bottle of water. I mean, what the hell?! Am I really going to need to return a bottle of Desani?! Even if there was something wrong with it would it really beworth my time?!
Ok, let’s say, for the sake of argument, that it is a larger order than just one thing. What’s with all the fucking paper! I mean there are coupons, and credit receipts, and the actual receipt! By the time they get done you are holding the damn encyclopedia Britannica. All you can think of is "where the hell can I throw all of this away."
Oh, and G-d forbid you are crafty enough to rush away before the damn 15 year old, pimple faced, pubescent, shithead can hit you with your coupon for 25 cents off of a can of evaporated milk! He needs to scream after you “Don’t you want your receipt sir ?!” and then give you a dirty look for not taking it. He needs you to take it because if you don’t he’s fucking stuck with it, and he doesn’t want it either!
You would think that with all the technology they could find a way to post your receipt online so that you didn’t need to go through all of that. I mean don’t we kill enough trees without killing more for no reason?! Seriously, if they insist on continuing to use paper receipts they should make them out of softer paper. At least then I could wipe my ass with them and they would have an actual purpose!
A.S.S.
Well, it wasn't that bad... It was full of mostly good.