Thursday, January 25, 2007

Random Stuff

Mostly because I'm tired of seeing that woman's face every time I open my blog.

It's been a busy, tiresome week. Mind numbing but exciting also.

Let's see.....

Random Thing #1

I went to my father's house and tried to teach him and my stepmother how to use the Ipod I gave them for Christmas. Trying to teach two people above the age of 50 to use an Ipod was like trying to teach monkeys how to read braille. The whole concept was/is beyond them. It took an hour but they seemed to grasp it when I left.

I got a call today from my father to inform me that he erased the entire Itunes library last night. I have no idea how.

Random Thing #2

Can someone tell me where I was in 1999?

Because it sure as shit wasn't in front of my Television to watch the most brilliant show EVER on the pains of growing up. How the hell did NBC dump "Freaks and Geeks" after 18 episodes?

"Maybe because no one, including you, watched it asshole?"

Fair enough! However, I should have watched it! Hell, EVERYONE should have been watching this show! You owe it to yourself to rent this show through Netflix or Blockbuster online. The writing is top notch. The acting is perfect. The stories hit close to home and are full of honesty and humor.

If I create a show one tenth this good someday I will consider my life a success.

And I've only seen six episodes so far..... Six episodes and I'm ready to say this was one of the best written television shows I've ever seen. It's really THAT good.

And since I know you are wondering what the rest of my list would be.

In no particular order.

  1. NYPD Blue
  2. Rescue Me
  3. The Sopranos (Seasons 1, 2, 4 & 5)
  4. The West Wing
  5. Deadwood
  6. Homicide
  7. The Shield
  8. The Larry Sanders Show
  9. Cheers
  10. The Simpsons
  11. Arrested Development
  12. Seinfeld
  13. The Wonder Years
  14. Fraiser
  15. All in the Family

And that's all I've got off the top of my head.

Random Thing #3

My writing partner and I finally got a phone call to submit an episode idea to a major network for consideration. I spent the better part of the week on the phone doing last minute rewrites, talking to lawyers and haggling with the writers guild. I'll post more information as it becomes available. We're proud of it and it's honestly enough for me that they've agreed to even read it.

Well, that's it for now. Hope everyone is enjoying their weeks....

Thursday, January 18, 2007

H2O? Oh No!

This is Jennifer Strange.

Jennifer Strange is dead today. She died after taking part in a Radio Contest

The idea of the contest was to see who could drink the most water without having to use the bathroom. Of course, no one told the contestants that drinking that much water can actually kill you.

It's called Water Intoxication

It's usually associated with marathon runners and athletes. Not people taking part in Radio Contests.

When i first heard that a woman was killed taking part in a radio contest I assumed that it was a Fear Factor type stunt that involved a great deal of risk. I assumed there was a GRAND prize associated with the contest. Like a HUGE sum of money or a scholarship for the kids. Even a family vacation.... Anything of "value"

But, no! You know what the "grand" prize was in this contest?

A Nintendo Wii.... A video game system that retails, and is available at every store in America, for $249.

This is what someone drank enough water to kill themselves for!

Holy shit!

Of all the "dumb ways to die" I can think of, this is number one! And she didn't even win! She finished second!

Tombstone to read:

"Jennifer Strange: Failure to wee, cost her more than the wii"

How dumb!

Of course, this is America and some scumbag lawyer has convinced the family to sue the radio station. On what grounds, I'm not sure. She willingly drank the water. No one had a gun to her head. The Water contained nothing but water... No added anything. A woman made a clear CHOICE to drink that water and she died from it... End of story as far as I'm concerned.

The station should offer the family an out-of-court settlement in the amount of $249. No more, no less. After all, that seems to be the EXACT amount she valued her life at....

Monday, January 15, 2007

Anyone Got A Match?

Every few months I have to hear about the confederate flag and the "controversy" surrounding it.

I suppose this week was the latest time because of Dr. King's birthday.

Every time this issue comes up I have to watch as some Southerner explains why the flag "means something" to them. See, this is where the issue lays.... With the fact that this rag actually carries meaning and causes a swelling of pride among some mutants in the South.

Here's a few things I know about this thing....

1. It was the flag of the Confederate Army.... You know, the one that LOST the war!

2. It represents slave owning people that had no respect for the true vision of America.

3. Those same people STILL have zero respect for what America's vision should be.

4. It was on top of the General Lee (The Dukes of Hazzard's car)

5. Larry the Cable Guy wears a hat with a patch of the thing on it.

I say, let it burn!

For no other reason than #5.

In fact, if you could burn it while the hat was still on his head that would be great!

Anyone who calls this a "pride" issue is an asshole. It's a racist issue that racist people care about. Sorta like slavery was before we kicked the asses of the scumbags swearing allegiance to this thing.

You want your own flag? Fine! Move to a remote island, enslave anyone living there and fly the Confederate Flag proudly! You can elect Larry the Cable Guy president and live happily ever after while banging your sister to the end of time.

Otherwise, take that rag down and get used to the fact you LOST the war. Defending a flag I wouldn't use to wipe my ass can't change that fact!

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

People I Can Do Without #13

So is this the way it's going to be for the rest of my life? Every year the Baseball Hall of Fame votes its' new class in am I going to have to hear about Mark McGwire for days and days and days????

Let me be the last to say....


I hope he never gets into the Hall of Fame! And not for the reason you think. I for one could give a shit about the whole steroid issue. The fact is, and this may come as an utter shock to some people, Mark McGwire was not a great player!

In fact, I'll go as far as to say he sucked.

Any Hall of Fame should be reserved for the truly great and not the pretty good. It should be an award for an entire career of excellence and not a few good years.

Mark McGwire never hit for average. He never ran the bases well and he couldn't field for shit. Couldn't stay healthy and never won an MVP award. He was a power hitter in the age of power hitters. Big fucking deal.

In 1993 he actually begged out of the line up the final game of the season because he was afraid to go 0-4 and finish with a batting average under .200.

That's the stuff of Hall of Famers?

I don't fucking thing so!

His career stats are bloated because of the juiced years.... Again, I have no problem with taking roids. The fact is, no matter what the media tells you, steroids are not bad for you. They're just not. When taken in proper amounts by healthy, grown men, there is ZERO scientific research to support any claim of them leading to future health problems.

ZERO, zilch, nada!

I have the problem with the fact he wasn't a very good player before taking them. He played his final years against shitty pitching in small ass ballparks while juiced. Unlike Barry Bonds who had three MVP awards BEFORE 1995, and four after, McGwire was never the best player in the game.

For one summer he and Sammy Sosa smacked a bunch of balls out of a bunch of ball parks while people cheered and pretended not to know what was really going on....

For ONE summer.

Monday, January 08, 2007

Resolution Time

Well, seven days gone into the new year and I've broken everyone of my resolutions. That's the way it goes I suppose.

Resolution #1

This was the year I was going to quit smoking. I still may but for now I'll just keep enjoying the flavor of cancer. Stupidest thing in the world to do. I know that. I also know life's not fair. That I have a friend in his early 30s battling for his life in a war against cancer. I'm 0% sure of what he did to deserve it. He's one of the more genuine people you'd ever want to meet. I am 100% sure it had nothing to do with smoking.

I'm also very aware of the state of the world right now. That I may get blown up any day driving through the Holland Tunnel on the way to work. I don't lose sleep over it, I just accept that there are people in the world who want my American ass dead for no "good" reason. I'd hate for that to be the day AFTER I stopped smoking.

And then there's my kids.... The one's I don't have yet. I'd like to see them have their own some day. I'm fairly certain that won't happen if I don't stop smoking. It's a balance between being optimistic and pessimistic. A dreamer and a realist.

Maybe I'll find that balance this year.... In between giant bouts of vertigo.

Resolution #2

This is the year I was going to start eating right and exercising. Well, 9,000 calories a day later, I'm heavier than I've ever been. I'm still far from being a complete fat bastard but I can see the future and it looks dim in my massive shadow.

I belong to a gym.... Doesn't everyone? I got smart last year and joined one for $15 a month. At least I can say "I belong to a gym" and not be going broke paying for the line of shit. Guilt is lessened by the size of the bill sometimes.

Resolution # 3 I was going to become a Republican this year. After all, liberals are so wimpy and full of it. In my 30 years thinking liberal nothing has changed for the better. NOTHING!

However, until the Republicans get their shit together and kick the Christian Conservatives out of their party I will be forever pulling the lever on the left. The Christian Right has ruined the Republican party and in turn have done more damage to this country than any terrorist could do with 30 planes.

Yeah, I said it.... deal with it.

Conservatives preach limited spending, staying out of people's personal affairs, and empowering people without government interference.

Those are ideas I can get behind. Ideas I WANT to get behind.

However, the MINORITY that is the Christian Right has made people's personal lives the entire focus of debate. They want to tell a woman what she can do with her body and they want to tell gay people that the way they were born is a "life style choice" and that it's wrong.


Note to the Republicans..... If you want to NEVER lose another election find moderate Republicans to run. Support a women's right to choose and a man's right to put his dick anywhere he wants when he's with a consenting adult. Kick the Christian Right out and force them to start their own political party. Most Americans, men and women, would vote for the republican ideal if you actually start representing it!

Resolution #4

This was the year I was going to accept Jesus as my personal Lord and Savior.

After, all I was told around Christmas time that failure to do so would cause me to go to hell when I die.

Well, I changed my mind.

First of all expecting Jesus to be your "Personal" anything is presumptuous. Jesus doesn't have time to deal with everyone's personal shit. That's why it's your PERSONAL shit! Keep it to yourself!

Jesus doesn't need to know you're sorry for staring at your neighbor's daughter and thinking dirty thoughts. You're sorry? Fine! Move on and get past it.... Jesus doesn't care. He's a guy so he gets it! He's been there and now he's in Heaven. There is room for your ass too!

Second, not only does he NOT have to time to be your "personal" Lord he certainly doesn't have time to "save" you as well. Save yourself!

Most of these "born again" assholes did worse things, in one 10 year stretch, than ten people combined could cram into a single lifetime. You really think "accepting Jesus" gets you a free pass over someone who hasn't blown a guy in a crackhouse bathroom while having withdrawals from the heroin they robbed their grandmother to buy?

Get over yourself, you self-righteous prick! If Heaven lets you in and keeps people like me out then there's something wrong with the whole system!

Resolution #5
This was the year I was going to start watching shows like The Apprentice, Survivor, and American Idol.

Then I remembered the same people that watch these shows turned their backs on Deadwood, Homicide and Arrested Development.... and ignore shows like The Shield and Rescue Me.

I'll stick with my DVDs again this year and hope the rest of America wakes up to good storytelling and acting. Then again, forget them! Their on their own.

When your idea of a 'reality' features Paula Abdul and Randy Jackson judging "talent" or a group of pretentious women backstabbing each other for the right to marry some rich dick, or worse yet, Flavor Flav.... then you are beyond saving. And certainly beyond actually speaking to!

Resolution #6

This is more of a promise.... one I intend to keep.

I promise that I will be brutally honest on this blog this year. I spent last year censoring myself quite a bit. See, I'm fond of all of my readers. I appreciate you all. However, I actually haven't written stuff I knew would "hurt" some of you. After the Rusty, Nascar thing I started to be more aware of what I wrote and it's affect on people.

Some would argue that was a good thing and maybe it was but I can't do that anymore.

So, if I offend anyone, it isn't on purpose..... Just being me. You can choose not to read. However, I hope you opt for the alternative and fire back at me. Hit me with your best shot and let's engage in some actual debate this year. Not name calling and insults but some good ole' honest, intelligent debate!

Life's too short to keep it to yourself.

I hope you join me in the coming year for the discussion.

Sunday, January 07, 2007

The Holiday Hangover


I STILL haven't recovered from the holidays.

Just brutal this year. I'll be posting something new soon. Hope everyone is well. Looking forward to catching up on your blogging this week.