Wednesday, June 21, 2006

E Z Does It

This is an E-Z Pass... This is supposed to make driving "easier" for you and the other drivers on the road. However, it seems to me more and more retarded people are getting these in the mail and attaching them to their cars. I would like to offer up some guidelines for the proper use of these...

1. You do not have to touch the E-Z Pass as you go through the toll plaza. There is no button to push! Just because it's in the shape of a garage door opener doesn't mean it functions in the same way! They should install sensors on the thing so if someone is detected to be touching it as they roll through the toll a white-hot laser is shot directly into their cars killing them instantly!

2. You do not have to come to a complete stop when using it. You can safely travel 25 MPH through the toll and the thing will get read! If I wanted to sit in stop and go traffic at a toll plaza I'd be sitting in the "Cash" line!

3. The EZ Pass should be installed on your windshield. You shouldn't keep in your glove box until the exact moment you are going to use it! Which, by coincidence, happens to be the exact moment I am usually driving right behind you!

4. You need to trust the EZ Pass. After all, it's smarter than you. Waiting until the little box says "EZ PASS Paid" is stupid! Has it ever said anything different? I could see if it spit out lottery numbers or fortunes every fifth time you used it but it doesn't. See #2 and press the gas, asshole!

5. There is plenty of time to get over into the proper lanes when approaching a toll plaza. Why users and non-users of EZ Pass can't seem to figure this out is beyond me. Lanes are CLEARLY marked as "EZ Pass ONLY" So why am I constantly watching people cut across from the "Cash" line to get into the EZ Pass Lane? They give you a half-mile warning that let's you know what lane you will need to be in... Get there!

Pretty simple list and it shouldn't be that hard. Then again, neither should simply driving in a straight line at a constant speed...


Blogger Debbie said...

I was hysterically laughing at #1 because I have seen people do this and I'm highly entertained by this.

Still laughing.

5:06 AM  
Blogger Jenny G said...

Also, if you have EZPass, you probably drive those roads pretty often so you should already know what lane you need to be in.

5:19 AM  
Blogger March to the Sea said...

we have em here in MA as well..but they are called "FAST LANE" just what massholes need is more an excuse/reason to speed. The funny part is the tolls speed limit is 15 MPH...right...riiiiiiiiiight.

7:33 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yep, Yep, pretty much sums it up. Nothing to add here.


10:55 AM  
Blogger Dim said...

I am SO guilty of violating #3. I refuse to stick it to my windshield and instead fumble to find it when I approach the tolls. I suck.

- D.

12:22 PM  
Blogger Annoyed said...


You do


1:03 PM  
Blogger Rusty said...

I'm still laughing at March's "Massholes" comment.

The turnpike is so useless in PA, because there are alternate roads that get you there just as damn fast, if not faster, because no toll stupidity occurs on those roads!

I know someone, but can't remember who, that passed through an EZPass lane without knowing what it was. This person was sort of waiting for a fine to come (since they have cameras) but it never came. I think it might have been B.'s dad...

7:05 PM  
Blogger B. said...

I need to clarify Rusty's comment. My dad was driving a U-Haul and thought that he should be in the truck lane, but the truck lane he was in was EZPass only, so he pulled over, got out of the truck, walked to a cash booth crossing 2 lanes of toll traffic, and tried to give the toll person the money. They said they couldn't accept it. So, he drove away. We waited for the fine to come, but it never happened. That was over a year ago. :)

8:32 AM  
Blogger Annoyed said...

I got nailed in the "Speed Pass" one once... I knew it was an EZ PAss thing put figured I beat NJ for the .35 ... A month later I got a ticket for $25.35!

8:56 AM  
Blogger Markbnj said...


I was lucky enough (Smart enough?)
to get mine when only the NY/NJ Port Authority was issuing them.
My brother worked for the MTA, and he NEVER used his "personal" (read paid for) ezpass, because they kept screwing up the credit card deductions.
However, in ??9 years?? I dont think the port authority screwed that up once.!

I love the high speed ez-pass (no tollbooth) they have on parkway by exit 131 south...

Oy, and annoyed.

You could have beaten the fine if you had a neighbor that had an ezpass.
I've forgotten mine a few times over the years (when I had 3 cars, 2 ezpasses) and always just sent the tickets back, and they charged me...
I seem to recall one time I actually taped 35cents to the summons... with the ezpass #.

6:55 PM  
Blogger Gina Marie said...

mine keeps falling off the windshield... :-(

9:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

btw, for #4, it does say other things - like "balance low"

7:31 PM  

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