Monday, December 26, 2005

Is it December 26th yet?

Jesus Christ!


Christmas was a tremendous pain the ass this year. I haven't posted in 10 days because I couldn't find the time.

I was dragged upstate New York by my girlfriend to visit her family. A tremendous group of cheap bastards, mopers, and whiners.

SEVEN hours in an over-packed car to get there and once there her aunt didn't even have a single thing to eat waiting for us! Not a single fucking cracker!

We stayed with her cousin, her husband and their obnoxious little shithead 3 year old. The kid spent three days yelling about everything. Not yelling because he was pissed or couldn't be heard just yelling for the sake of it.

Mother: Would you like some milk?

obnoxious shithead: YES I WANT SOME MILK!!!!

Holy shit...

Then we find out that their shower is broken and we'll need to take baths. Now, I'm a grown man and haven't taken a bath since I was 14 and the only reason I did that was to find out what jerking off under water felt like.


Her Cousin is one of these "I threw my life away on a man" people. Granted, her husband is a hick from Virginia who pulls down a whopping 35k a year (so she has a point) but please shut up! Worse yet, she starts telling my girlfriend to "make sure you're really in love" and "don't repeat my mistakes" about me. Now, my girlfriend is pretty hot and way out of my league. The only way someone like me gets someone like her IS BY MISTAKE! So I don't need this idiot pointing it out to her.

After three days we finally leave to come home.

Oh, I almost forgot.... It's really fucking cold up there. Negative fucking 8 in the morning! It does "warm up" to a balmy 17 degrees by lunch. And of course there's always that one asshole, like her uncle, who tells you "it's really not that cold" when it's literally 1 degree outside! Or my favorite, and I'm not making this up, "It's a dry cold"


On the way home I start coming down with something that develops into an ear infection and strept throat by the next day. Now, I NEVER get sick but right now I'm on antibiotics for the first time in five years.

Now, I get back from Siberia to find out that my cat has seriously injured himself while we were gone. He caught his arm on something and really fucked himself up. A trip to the vet, $146 later, and he's okay.

I'm stuck in bed and I still haven't gotten most of my Christmas shopping done. I dragged myself out on the 23rd and got it all done while deathly ill. I got my girlfriend a pearl ring which she flipped for which should conceal her "mistake" until her birthday in April when I'll have to come up with something bigger and better.

She told her parents we would host Christmas dinner this year so I spent all day today cooking for her folks who, luckily, are nothing like her upstate relatives. They are really lovely, generous people and we had a nice day.

All can say is, thank God Mary wasn't in a prolonged labor with Jesus because I can't take one more day of this!


Blogger GOPBUDDY said...

I know this is an old blog, but I hope you read it. I don't really like your language, but if its that bad I don't have to read it right. But I loved your post. I laughed during the whole thing.
As you can tell my previous comments and post I am a conservative Christian, your post, however is right on the money. The way many people act(like your gf relatives)is one of the reasons Christmas has lost much of its meaning. Probably everyone has experienced things like yours at the holidays.
I really enjoyed it.

2:53 PM  
Blogger Annoyed said...

As George Carlin once said..."The radio has two turns it off the other changes the channel!"

Language is just that...language! There's really no such thing as "bad words" in my opinion. Sure there are words I wouldn't say in front of children or at certain social events but in general, words are just words.

You must really LOVE the title of my newest post!

Thanks for stopping by :-)

3:02 PM  
Blogger GOPBUDDY said...

Yeah I don't like your title, but like we both said, I don't have to read it. I'm not like some of my Christian Brethern that go whole hog and curse you, try to change you, etc. 30 yrs ago I wasn't like that, but as I've gotten older I mellow. I'll pray for you & I enjoy discussing things with you. I will present my side, ultimatly we all have to answer for our own answers.
Thanks for reading mine.

5:43 PM  

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