In Boyardee, We Trust!

I don't want anymore Italian cooking tips from skinny people!

I want my Sushi chef to be Asian, my kosher chef to be Jewish and, most important of all, my Italian chefs to be fat!

Pretty simple isn't it?

Besides, when is the last time you ate a good Italian meal prepared by a rail thin stick figure like the woman above?

For those of you that don't know, the woman above is named Giada De Laurentiis and she hosts a show on The Food Network called "Everyday Italian." This woman is so annoying she makes Rachel Ray seem normal.

She makes these huge Italian dishes and NEVER eats them! She takes a bite or sip of each one and makes all these orgasmic sounds like it was the best dish ever, brags about how great it is, and then that's it! She puts it down! The next scene is her giving the food away or inviting her friends over to eat what she made.

Hey lady! If your food is so fucking good then why don't you ever eat it???

Not to mention each dish is about 30,000 calories! I swear to Christ the drink she made tonight must of been 3,000 by itself! It was made of 90% heavy cream.

But look at her! She looks like Michael J. Fox's wife if she were a starving Vegan!

I want my Italian Chefs to look like this....
















Nothing says "I know how to cook" better than a 300 pound Italian man with sausage around his neck.

That's who I want to learn from.

A man who cooks every meal like it may be his last, because at any second his heart very well may explode!