Guest Blog #3

Stop Clapping for Christs Sake!

Here’s something I have been dying to get off of my chest for a while. This is my single greatest pet peeve. Bigger than people who open doors for me. Bigger than those damn receipts. Bigger than people who call me for last minute shit one hour before I’m supposed to go home on a holiday weekend (more to come). These people are truly clueless. These people deserve to be round up and systematically made sterile. Who are these people you ask?

People who CLAP at the end of movies!

Last night I went to see "The DaVinci Code" with the girl who tolerates A.S.S. I thought it was pretty good. No great epic but entertaining. I’m told that the fact that I did not read the book led me to enjoy it more than I would have had I read the book. Just another endorsement for not reading fiction as far as I’m concerned. I don’t need anything ruining my movie going experience!

At the end of the film more than half of the theatre breaks out into applause. That’s right! HALF the theatre was clapping at the end of the movie! Clapping for who you ask? RIGHT! Clapping is a sign of appreciation for a job well done. Unless you are invited to a premier where the stars of the movie and people who worked on the movie are actually there DO NOT CLAP AT THE END OF THE MOVIE. All you do is make yourself look like an idiot and piss me off! I did some research and could not find the origin of applause or clapping. I was able to find documentation that stated that clapping is something babies instinctively do when they are happy. Two rows up for me was a couple with a newborn. The baby slept through the entire movie and did not clap once. That baby at 2 months old (or there about) was smarter than half the people in that theatre. In the future if you go to a Broadway show, by all means clap away. If you go to the circus, clap away. If you go to a movie SIT ON YOUR FUCKING HANDS!

A.S.S.