Tuesday, June 27, 2006

The "Best Of" & Some New Links

I have created a "Best Of" list at the right of the page if anyone is interested.... They are sort of in order.... I choose them based on what I like best, not the number of comments (Some actually have zero)

A tale of my tremendous "Stud-Like" High School experience is up at "Someday We'll look Back on This....."


Also, there are some new links under the "Blogs that Link" list...

1. Why Don't We Get Drunk and Blog - That's Lozo and be warned it's for MATURE audiences... Some very funny stuff.

2. These are Hard Times For Dreamers - Another blog I found thanks to March and Sage. Sort of a female March in the way she writes about music and a good read throughout!

3. Ramblin Rose - Anyone named after a Dead Song is cool with me! She's a California native now living in Australia! She has begun writing about Australia and its' wildlife and general unique differences from the U.S. Now, I'm obsessed with Australia and its' insane wildlife... In my opinion it may be the most dangerous place on Earth!

4. News Rants and Reviews - Is a crazy conservative that found and linked to me! Now I'm returning the favor.... I agree with nothing he says but it does give me an opportunity at some political debate and insight on how the other half lives and thinks!


Sunday, June 25, 2006

A View From The Front Seat

I went for a drive today and these things stood out a bit...

1. The jerk off holding the piece of furniture, tied to his roof, with his left hand while driving with the right! We've all seen this guy... Sometimes it a piece of furniture, sometimes it's a mattress. Around Christmas time it's a fucking tree!

They tie the object up half-assed and then hold onto it with the tips of their fingers! Like if that mattress slips off the roof their three fingers are going to be able to hold onto it before it hits the road. Why are these people so stupid? And why am I always stuck right behind them on the highway?

2. The people in the E-Z Pass lane STILL aren't reading my blog!

3. Gas is still fucking expensive!

4. When did every restaurant become a "bistro?" I mean, where was I and how come I didn't get the memo. I looked up the definition of the word and found this:

bis·tro (bē'strō, bĭs'trō) n., pl. -tros.
1. A small bar, tavern, or nightclub.
2. A small, informal restaurant serving wine

The key word being "small."

I've eaten at Italian Bistros, Chinese Bistros, Mexican Bistros and once at a place just called "Bistro"

They have all been HUGE! At least 40 tables. Some have required a certain dress code. None of them have been what those definitions imply they should.

I have come to the conclusion that the new definition of "Bistro" should read like this...

bis·tro (bē'strō, bĭs'trō) n., pl. -tros.
1. An overrated restaurant selling ethnic food with too much salt added to it.
2. A restaurant trying to be fancy and charging you obscene prices to prove it!

I'm going to open a bistro and sell jug wine. It will contain four tables and clothing is optional! We will serve huge portions of food at reasonable prices.

I will call it "The O.G. Bistro"

Cause, you know, I'm old school.

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

E Z Does It

This is an E-Z Pass... This is supposed to make driving "easier" for you and the other drivers on the road. However, it seems to me more and more retarded people are getting these in the mail and attaching them to their cars. I would like to offer up some guidelines for the proper use of these...

1. You do not have to touch the E-Z Pass as you go through the toll plaza. There is no button to push! Just because it's in the shape of a garage door opener doesn't mean it functions in the same way! They should install sensors on the thing so if someone is detected to be touching it as they roll through the toll a white-hot laser is shot directly into their cars killing them instantly!

2. You do not have to come to a complete stop when using it. You can safely travel 25 MPH through the toll and the thing will get read! If I wanted to sit in stop and go traffic at a toll plaza I'd be sitting in the "Cash" line!

3. The EZ Pass should be installed on your windshield. You shouldn't keep in your glove box until the exact moment you are going to use it! Which, by coincidence, happens to be the exact moment I am usually driving right behind you!

4. You need to trust the EZ Pass. After all, it's smarter than you. Waiting until the little box says "EZ PASS Paid" is stupid! Has it ever said anything different? I could see if it spit out lottery numbers or fortunes every fifth time you used it but it doesn't. See #2 and press the gas, asshole!

5. There is plenty of time to get over into the proper lanes when approaching a toll plaza. Why users and non-users of EZ Pass can't seem to figure this out is beyond me. Lanes are CLEARLY marked as "EZ Pass ONLY" So why am I constantly watching people cut across from the "Cash" line to get into the EZ Pass Lane? They give you a half-mile warning that let's you know what lane you will need to be in... Get there!

Pretty simple list and it shouldn't be that hard. Then again, neither should simply driving in a straight line at a constant speed...

Monday, June 19, 2006

Guest Blog #4

Lyrics that don't make sense piss me off!

James Blunt sucks! First of all he sounds like a woman. (quasi Tracy Chapman only not nearly as talented) Second the lyrics to the song Beautiful make absolutely NO sense. The girl that tolerates A.S.S. says that I am being ridiculous and that James Blunt is Fabulous. I'll let you be the judge.

"My life is brilliant.
My love is pure.
I saw an angel.
Of that I'm sure.
She smiled at me on the subway.
She was with another man.
But I won't lose no sleep on that,
Cause I've got a plan."

Ok reasonable enough. He's a guy on a subway who sees a hot girl with another guy, shares a moment, and absolutely has to have her. Not only does he have to have her but he has "a plan".

"You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw you face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
Cause I'll never be with you."

Ok, here is where he loses me. In verse one he's very confident. He knows what he wants and has a plan to get it. Now all of a sudden as if by magic he "don't know what to do" !???????

What the fuck happened to your plan asshole? You just had a plan! Where the hell did it go? Did you forget what the plan was? What's the matter couldn't find anything else to rhyme with true? That's it right!? You couldn't find something to rhyme with true so then "you didn't know what to do" and now the song's gone in a completely different direction. You ruined a perfectly good premise because you couldn't find something to rhyme with true. Well Mr. Blunt here are few possibilities.

Get a clue! Your song blew, so go screw!


Sunday, June 18, 2006

People I Can Do Without #10

All right.... Since I'm still getting obscene hits every day because of this stupid post I'm taking the time to rewrite it a bit. The people I was referring to here is lost among the people actually reading it! While that was amusing this past week I'm now confronted with the dilemma of saying "fuck these guys, I'm not changing anything" or trying to get across my original reason for even writing this post. Taking it down was never an option.

Maybe it's my fault for not being clear enough. Most people that have taken the the time to respond to this have basically said the same thing (beyond the silly insults to me)...

That they don't fit this profile and they don't act this way... Then I would say this post has nothing to do with you! I truly don't understand how people can say this has nothing to do with them personally and then turn around and feel personally offended!?

With this in mind, I'm re-writing this a bit to be more clear. So, here it is... Free of clutter and more to the point!

Thanks for stopping by,


Guys who drive these things like assholes should be shot!

These annoying pieces of shit that sound like a thousand flies fucking at incredibly high speeds!

Listen to these things "fire" up... It sounds like a four year old child making the sound of a single engine aircraft!

The assholes that drive these things are my favorite part. These guys make the kids on Growing Up Gotti seem like Harvard grads. They usually have nothing more than a tee shirt on in order to expose their arms that are the size of a giraffe's legs. On top of this, they usually weigh about 90 pounds, soaking wet.

They usually travel in groups of four or five. I suppose the whole "strength in numbers" thing is in play here. Some would say it's a safety issue... That traveling together is a smart thing to do. I say five assholes driving like morons is just five times the danger for everyone else on the road!

I could take the whole pack of them out with my back bumper.

And I dream about it... Just clipping one of their front wheels as they drive by doing 120 mph on the highway. "Officer, he was in my blind spot"

I think I could launch one about 50 yards...

(Of course, that's nothing to be proud of)

Doing over 100 mph on the highway doesn't make you cool you Gotti-looking, giraffe-armed, small-bodied, dickless wonder!

It makes you a fucking stupid asshole in need of attention! Something you can look forward too at your wake after you wreck this fly-fuck sounding piece of shit in a ditch on the highway during rush hour.

With my luck, the one day I actually need to be somewhere!

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Now, THIS is Annoying

I cannot believe I'm being forced to defend Ann Coulter.

I hate Ann Coulter. I hate the way she thinks. I hate the way she sounds. I hate the way she looks.

I HATE her.

However, I support her right to free speech. After all, this is America and she has the right to say whatever she chooses no matter how dumb, ignorant, insensitive and downright hateful it may be.

We as citizens have the right to challenge her opinion with our own. We also have the right simply ignore her! We can choose to spend our money on other things than her book. A book, by the way, I wouldn't wipe my ass with .

What we don't need is our Assemblywomen in New Jersey calling for a state-wide boycott of said book because they disagree with the content.

If we wanted Republicans in these positions we would have elected them.

Let's save the boycotts for the middle red staters and their hatred of The Dixie Chicks and The DaVinci Code. I would hope we were above such things on the coast lines.

I hope that New Jersey merchants ignore this call and continue to sell this piece of trash for a couple of reasons.

1. Censorship of any kind is wrong! The 1st admendment is there to protect all American Citizens. Not just the ones you agree with.

2. The more people that buy and read this book the more will see just how far gone the extreme Right Wing are in this country. That can only be a good thing for the future.

These assemblywomen need to tackle the bigger issues facing this state and stop wasting time posing for the political cameras.

Get back to work!

Friday, June 09, 2006

People I Can Do Without #9

The cable "news" media needs to do their job and report the news... ALL of the news!

Yesterday, for what seemed to be 24 hrs. straight we saw the same story about the death of al-Zarqawi. Now, is this a big story? Of course! However did it need 24 hrs to cover? Is there nothing else going on in the world, or better yet, here at home that could have used even 10 minutes of coverage yesterday?

These networks pick one story and drill it for days and days and sometimes, as in the case of some blonde girl in Aruba, an entire fucking year!

In a world of multi-tasking CNN, MSNBC and FOX News are sad examples of nothing more than tunnel vision.

Yesterday while al-Zarqawi was dead, ALL day, these stories popped into my head...

1. The environment - You know that thing called climate and global warming. A much bigger long term risk to us as a species than terrorism could ever hope to be!

2. The price of fucking gas! - The price gauging that the major oil companies are still getting away with is out of control.

3. The war in Iraq - I sat and watched as people used the phrase "turning the corner" yesterday and wanted to throw the fuck up! We still have no real plan and still do not have enough troops on the ground over there.... Over 2,500 dead American soldiers and countless more seriously wounded and there STILL is no end in sight. Now you want us to believe we've "turned the corner" because of one dead, radical mother fucker! I don't think so... Still a long road to travel.

4. The continuing discrimination of homosexuals - I think discrimination of any kind deserves a light shined on it... Why hatred towards an entire group of people based on THE WAY THEY WERE BORN is so readily excepted by so many morons in this country is, at the least, extremely troubling.

5. The continuing genocide in Africa - Never has a story of such weight received such little attention. It blows my mind that it still doesn't make the news EVERY night.

6. That dead chick in Aruba - I actually wondered yesterday... "Is she still dead? Christ, I haven't heard anything all day!"

7. The National Debt - Man, my unborn kid's are gonna STILL be pissed when they are 40!

8. Scientists have developed and had approved a vaccine for cervical cancer - Sort of a big break through for woman all over the world!

9. The stock market continues to slide downward - So much for that big bounce in the economy.

10. The World Cup - Yes, we don't care about soccer in this country but ANYTHING that unites the entire world can't be all that bad! Sports can be a wonderful thing sometimes. Also, the out right racism that still invades soccer is a worthwhile topic for discussion to see how far we have come and how far we still need to go as the human race.

Now, these are just ten topics off the top of my head. All were worth discussing yesterday while I watched these networks run the same footage of a bomb going off all day!

Get your shit together and start reporting ALL the news, ALL of the time. Don't simply pick and choose what you will be ramming down our American throats every day. Don't tell us what's important... Give us ALL of the information and let us decide!

After all, that's your fucking job!

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

I Don't Care If You Burn!

Thought I'd post this to let Jenny know she isn't alone...

To quote Denis Leary:

"I love to smoke. I smoke seven thousand packs a day, ok. And I am never fucking quitting!"

Up until a week ago that was my motto! That and "Always make friends with fat girls... They have the best looking friends"

Anyway, the day after my 30th birthday I put down my delicious American Spirits and picked up a package of these...So, now instead of my morning cup of coffee and Cigarette I enjoyed a cup of coffee and a piece of fucking flavorless chalk! This was GREAT!

It also lasted all of four days. Over the weekend I bought a pack of "Yellows" and felt like a fucking junkie. I sucked those down and said "This time I'm sticking with the chalk!"

Well, here's the rub.... My girlfriend smokes.


These, DISGUSTING tasting, pieces of shit! After you smoke American Spirits for any extended period of time you can't smoke anything from the major brands without tasting anything but the chemicals.

Marlboro Ultra Lights taste exactly like I imagine freebasing bleach would.

However, I still sit around all day waiting for her to come home from work so I can suck two down! Right after I spit out the the fucking chalk!

I think I need help....

Thursday, June 01, 2006

Sour Apples, Part II

Perhaps you remember my birthday tale:


Well, Apple sent me that "new-refurbished" Ipod and it was great!!!!

For about, six whole days!

Over the weekend it started sticking. A tune would start and then freeze for a second before starting again. Yesterday, at the gym, the entire thing froze and had to be reset. Today, the thing was just starting songs, playing ten seconds of them, and then skipping to the next track!

I got home and called Apple "Tech Support"

They should really just call this "Hold on while I check with my supervisor to determine what line of shit to feed you" After a few minutes of being on hold she comes back to tell me, "Sir, that machine sounds broken" (No shit!) "You'll have to send it back"


I hang up with her and call customer service. I get a guy on the phone. For the sake of this piece, we'll call him "Seth"

Seth: Hi, how can I help you?

Annoyed: (I explain the WHOLE story)

Seth: Well sir, I can give you a $50 credit towards the purchase of a new Ipod!

Now, this does me no good at all. They only make 30 and 60 gig Ipods now. Both models are the "Video Ipods" I explained to Seth that:

1. I need at least 40 gigs. The 60 retails for $400 and even with the credit I'd still be kicking in an extra $150. The 30 gig is just too small AND $50 more!

2. I'm not some stupid teenager on the bus to school. I don't need to play videos on my Ipod. I want it to play music! That is all.... If I want to watch a video I'll turn on my TV!

Seth: Well, then you can send that one back and we'll do the exchange thing again.

Annoyed: Well, Apple has to do SOMETHING for me. I have LITERALLY spent more time on the phone trying to fix these things than actually listening to music on them!

Seth: Well, I don't know what else I can do. Maybe....

Annoyed: How bout a $25 gift card to Itunes?

Seth: Can't do that.... How bout a $65 refund back to you credit card?

Now, let's do the math here.... Along with the $25 credit from a week ago this brings the grand total of this Ipod to $110.

Seth says: "Hopefully, this one doesn't give you anymore trouble."

FUCK THAT! I hope this one just EXPLODES when I take it out of the box! You know what that credit would be worth? I'll have a free 60 gig the next day!

Anyway, the "new" one will be here early next week. Anyone wanna bet there is a third chapter to this trilogy?