Monday, November 08, 2004

Random Vent #1

People who say "Happy Monday!"

My response?


Sunday, November 07, 2004

I'll Need to See a Sonogram!

This happened to me just a few weeks ago. I'm on the bus in the Port Authority and some pregnant woman gets on just as the doors are closing. Now, of course I pretend I don't see her. I look all around, at the ground but still her giant unborn belly is staring me right in the face!

I wait and see if anyone else is going to blink but all the other people are doing a better job avoiding her than I. She's looking right at me! Like if I don't give up my seat she's gonna break her water right there on the floor. It was already raining out so know one would have noticed but I would've known and the guilt would've killed me.

Anyway, the bus starts pulling out and finally I break! I offer my seat and of course she takes it. Meanwhile if a seat was so important she could've waited for the next bus.... They come every 10 minutes that time of night. So she sits, and her belly folds over into two giant rolls of fat!

She wasn't pregnant.....She was just Fat!!!!

Now, I ask you, shouldn't I get my seat back?

No where does it say in the man code to offer your seat to pregnant, elderly, handicapped, and FAT people.

From now on I'm requiring a doctor's note from anyone who wants my seat.

If you have half a leg I'm checking to make sure the other half isn't tucked behind you!