Monday, February 19, 2007

Throwing Another One On The Pile?

Seems people are losing their minds a little more every day in this country.

The latest example has to be the banning of the following...

"The Higher Power of Lucky", by Susan Patron, is being pulled out of schools and libraries all over the country because it contains a bad word.

Never mind it won the the Newbery Medal, the most prestigious award in children’s literature.

Never mind that!

It has a BAD word on the first page. One bad word on the first page!

What's this BAD word you ask? The one word that sentenced this book to be banned?

Are you ready? Please brace yourselves for the following filth....


Scro-tum! The word "scrotum" has got librarians all hot and bothered.

Full story here

One of these twits went as far to say this....

“This book included what I call a Howard Stern-type shock treatment just to see how far they could push the envelope, but they didn’t have the children in mind.”

The woman who said that is a teacher... It's a wonder American children get dumber every year while the rest of the world soars by us in education. With grand thinkers like that leading the way!

It seems everyone is scared of a child asking the following...

Child: "What's a scrotum?"

To which the parent would have to tell the kid the following...

Parent: "It's part of a man's upper leg."

Or tell the truth.... Either way, big deal!

This one moment of lying to a child is worth banning an award winning piece of literature? People need to get over themselves!

If we want to protect children from a book why don't we start with the bible?

But I digress.....

I was thinking about this over the weekend and I came up with some questions I'd find harder to answer as a parent of an eight year old. All are quite possible these days.

1. Why are three different men claiming to be the father of Anna Nicole Smith's baby? I thought there's one mommy and one daddy?

2. What is war and why did Billy from up the street die in one?

3. Is there really a Santa Claus?

4. What happens when we die?

5. Why is Paris Hilton famous?

ALL of these would take longer than the scrotum answer. This is what we worry about these days in America.... Never mind the following
  1. The war
  2. Our incompetent President

  3. Global Warming

  4. The continuing non-rebuilding of New Orleans

  5. Ongoing racism and homophobia

  6. Our STILL unsecured borders and airports
Nope! Not important to these people to protect the children from any of that. If they can just keep them safe from the word "scrotum" everything will be all right in their tidy, insane worlds!

The best part of all of this is the fact there is another book in every school library in the country that contains the word scrotum. It's flying under the radar right now but soon it will find itself on the pile burning with the rest of the books we need to keep children safe from.

What is this filthy book?

Just yesterday, I heard Howard Stern reading from it on the air....

Thursday, February 15, 2007

People I Can Do Without #16

Tim Hardaway has got to be the dumbest man alive.

Dumber than Larry the Cable Guy.

Dumber than President Bush.

And even dumber than the people that say "no deal" when the bank offers more the 150 grand!


Want proof? Here's what he said in response to ex-basketball player John Amaechi admitting he was gay in his new book.

"You know, I hate gay people, so I let it be known. I don't like gay people and I don't like to be around gay people. I am homophobic. I don't like it. It shouldn't be in the world or in the United States. First of all, I wouldn't want him on my team. And second of all, if he was on my team, I would, you know, really distance myself from him because, uh, I don't think that's right. And you know I don't think he should be in the locker room while we're in the locker room. I wouldn't even be a part of that"

Now, for fun, re-read that entire passage and change the words "gay" to "Black" and "him" to "them"

What the hell is wrong with Tim Hardaway? Is he really that god damn stupid that he can't see the bigoted irony in that statement. 50 years ago another group was excluded and hated for no good reason because of the way they were born. That was all they did wrong.... They were born different. They weren't even allowed to make a living in the NBA as anything more than the janitor! Sweeping up after the white players were done....

Now they make up 80% of the league.

Short-term-memory, asshole!

I used to love watching Tim and the rest of his Heat teammates getting their asses kicked by the Knicks every playoff season. Now, looking back on it, I cherish the memories even more.

They say people that are homophobic are usually just gay people in denial.

I'm sure Tim Hardaway would disagree.....

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

People I Can Do Without #15

Anna Nicole Smith's baby needs to get off my evening news! I don't care who her father is and I don't care who raises her!

She's worth more than most small nations. I can't spend one minute "concerned" about her well being.

"But Annoyed, she's only a baby"

So what?

"Her mom JUST died"

And that's sad. However, it's no more sad than the tens of thousands of children that lose their parents every year because of genocide and war throughout this world. Where's their damn news coverage?

Go Google "Children of Darfur" and tell me how many times you think of Anna Nicole's rich orphan while surfing those images.

And now we have the circus of paternity tests to look forward to while these schmucks battle for custody of her inheritance.... This kid would be better being an actual orphan than having a choice of these guys.

But again, I'm officially past "worry".... Get this kid off my television until she has her own reality show at 18.

Here's an idea of what she will look like then...

Monday, February 12, 2007

People I Can Do Without #14

I've decided I fucking HATE John Mayer.

Truthfully, this has been building in me for some time. However, while watching the Grammy Awards tonight, my hatred finally boiled over.

Is there a more over-rated, over-hyped, over-celebrated musician alive than this asshole?

I liked him a lot better the first time around when we called him "Dave Matthews." He sounds like Dave, plays like Dave and even makes stupid faces like Dave.

The big exception being.... He's no Dave.

Dave Matthews has more talent in his left twitching foot than this asshole has in his whole body. I mean, did you catch the Grammy Performance? That solo he played was something my friend Paul played in our 6th grade talent show. Paul of course didn't make all sorts of "pained" expressions while doing it. Why? Cause it wasn't that hard of a solo! Nothing this guy does is "hard" or even all that creative. Just recycled crap.

To have Stevie Wonder introduce him as one of the "great young songwriters" was a joke!

But that's the problem with living in the 'American Idol' America. These days we're just told who's great and we nod our heads like sheep.

Why wasn't Stevie introducing Ryan Adams?

Now there's a strung out looking guy with some actual talent!

And while I'm hating on John.....

How does a guy that looks like this......

Get this.....

I suppose the same way a schmuck like this....

Gets a girl like this.....

Wednesday, February 07, 2007

Tryin' To Get The Feeling Again.....

..... Back into my God-Damned fingers

I've been sitting in my apartment for three days, with a bunch of posts in my head, freezing my nuts off. Shivering next to the phone that refuses to ring to let me know what the hell is going on with my writing submission..... Just sitting here, staring at the phone while my testicles crawl slowly into my throat.

Why you ask?

Because there's no heat in my apartment. Oh, and it's really cold outside. Add those two things together and you have me.... A cold, pissed off guy with blue fingers.

The problem is, this apartment is really old. It's the second floor of a three family house and every window leaks cold air. None more than the kitchen window where the air just POURS into the house. To describe it terms you'd understand I've come up with this....

Niagara Falls.......

Now, turn the water into ten degree air and that's the scene as it pours into my kitchen.

Imagine how happy I am every month when we open a $400 PS&G bill..... I'm honestly thinking of buying a small stove and just burning dollar bills one at a time in my living room. I think it would be cheaper and I'd actually have some heat to show for it.

We did seal off the window last night and that seems to be working. The thermostat reads 64 today, up from 50 yesterday. My landlord stopped by to measure the window so he can replace it....
I assume, right in time for spring.
The next person who tells me about Global Warming is getting punched in the face.