Wednesday, July 02, 2008

Annoyed for President

I wrote the following months ago and never published it. Not sure why... it's pretty good! Anyway, as I warned when I jumped back into the madness that is blogging I will be getting a bit more political.

Don't worry, this won't become a "political blog." (the next post I've written is an interview with my cat) But this was worth sharing I thought.... I hope I can count on your votes in 2012!

I'm too young to run for President. However, in a few years that won't be the case.

With this in mind, I've decided to start my grass roots campaign now. In the coming weeks I will be announcing my cabinet, VP and slogan.

In the meantime here's some of my domestic policies....

1. Abortion will remain safe and legal.

- Wire hangers and back alley doctors will not have a place in my America. This will not be a state by state issue. It will be federal law!

2. Drugs will be decriminalized. Pot will be LEGAL!

- Pot is only illegal because of big business. The logging industry saw to this back in the early part of the 1900s. If you can grow it in your back yard it's yours to enjoy.

- Making pot illegal while alcohol isn't is backwards at best.

- The "War on Drugs" is a tremendous failure. How anything that attacks and looks to punish sick people can be considered "right" or "justified" is beyond rational thinking.

- Anyone caught selling drugs to anyone under the age of 18 will be sent to jail for 20 years with no chance of parole. Period. While drugs will be legal for any adult to enjoy the choice to use drugs will be a "grown up" one.

- The money being used to fight this "war on drugs" will be diverted into education and treatment. After giving people all the facts we will trust them to make choices for themselves. If they get in over their heads we will help them get back on track. We will treat people with compassion and understanding. A very underrated concept in today's America.

- Child Molesters will not serve less time than Pot Heads in my America.

3. We will be off gasoline by the year 2020.

- Alternative fuels will be developed here in America. People working for the oil companies will be hired by the new alternative providers. We will ensure this happens more often than not by offering tax incentives to do so.

- All diesel engines will be converted to run on bio-diesel.

- Ethanol will be outlawed. While it burns cleaner than gas it pollutes just as much to make. Plus, the corn lobby has run amuck for far to long in this country. Convert your fields to hemp or soy and lets move on.

4. Corn Syrup will be eliminated from all food products by the year 2015.

- People wonder why Americans are getting fatter and fatter. Look no further than your food labels. High Fructose Corn Syrup is literally killing people by the millions every year.

5. No more Bushes or Clintons will be allowed to hold political office.

- If this needs explaining I don't want your vote.

6. The electoral college will be destroyed.

- A concept created to ensure minorities had no voice in America. All these years later it still does.

- One person, one vote. People argue that it gives voice to everyone while it does the complete opposite. If I live in Texas and vote Democrat, why should I even leave the house on election day? Same if I want to vote Republican living in Massachusetts. In my America every one's vote will count. A crazy idea in a "democracy" I know.

7. Election day will be a national holiday.

- No more excuses for not voting (Ladies, I'm talking to you)

- In order to make room for this on the calendar, every forth year Columbus Day will not be observed. It's nonsense anyway.

8. Health care will be provided, free of charge, for anyone that can't afford it.

- You will be allowed to pick your coverage and if you already have it, the company you work for will be required to keep you on their health plan for the duration of your employment.

- Any company that employs more than ten people will need to offer health coverage to their employees.

9. Anyone caught quoting the bible in a public, political setting will be shot to death on site.

- If you think you know what Jesus would do then ask him directly!

10. Semi-automatic weapons will be banned!

-If the NRA has a problem with this then they can show up to a rally full of parents who lost their sons and daughters to gun violence, look them in the eyes and explain why a hunter needs to shoot Bambi with a banana clip full of ammo. If it's really a sport than let's make it bit more sporting....

Labels: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,


Blogger Gina Marie said...

You've got my vote!!!

(Might be the first time I agree with a candidate's WHOLE platform.)

8:32 AM  
Blogger Rusty said...

Can I be your VP?

9:31 AM  
Blogger Hotwire said...

some i agree with and for some i'm iffy...

that said, i think the election should be held over a long weekend - friday thru sunday - so that there is, other than coma, no reason whatsoever not to get your tail to your local polling place. those who don't vote after the three days get shot (but not by a semi-automatic weapon...)

12:14 PM  
Blogger Mr. A said...


I would favor a full week. And then a few weeks to count the vote.

I'm always amazed by America's need for instant gratification. Especially in electing the President!

12 hours to elect the leader of the free world.

(shaking head)


I think you're even younger than me... So you'll have to wait until my second term ;-)

1:56 PM  
Blogger Rusty said...

Laws can be changed!

Ah, well. I'll vote for you anyway.

7:30 PM  
Blogger B. said...

Long time, no comment. :) I like your numbers 3,4,6,7,8 and 10. So, I guess I give you a 60% approval rating. That's certainly higher than any President I remember.

1:33 PM  
Anonymous Xigent said...

I'm ready to start my own television network to make sure your views get properly aired, MisterA, when the time is right. Just say the word.

I would, however, ask that you consider a couple of additional planks for your platform:

11. No one who has not actually lived in another country for a year, even if it's just Canada or Mexico, will be allowed to run for president.

- Since U.S. policies, unlike the policies of other countries, affect much of the rest of humanity, it would be nice if presidential candidates had some first-hand experience in the rest of the world where 95% of humanity lives.

- let us recall that Dubya had never been curious enough to use his fortune to visit Europe before he was mis-elected president.

12. As the most recognized politician in the world, the president of the U.S. does not need to advertise his political affiliation by tacky means and will be subject to mandatory impeachment and trial for wearing a flag lapel pin.

13. Health insurance companies that deny coverage for care that is clearly covered in the insurance contract, simply because they're having a bad year financially, will be seized and nationalized. All upper management salaries and corporately owned stock will be confiscated and applied to denied claims.

14. Members of Congress will be offered health insurance in proportions that reflect the situation of the U.S. electorate.

- e.g., 15% of them will be uninsured, 25% will have $10,000 deductibles, 50% will have no coverage for mental health care, 1% will declare personal bankruptcy because of medical costs they can't pay, and so forth.

15. Any candidate, president, or cabinet member who demonstrates a persistent inability to pronounce the word "nuclear" shall be removed to the Iraqi desert and irradiated with depleted uranium until the speech impediment is eliminated.

16. No presidential campaign shall last longer than four statutory weeks.

- The last two of these weeks will be treated as paid vacation so that voters will not be suffering from sleep-deprivation psychosis when they cast their ballots.

- Voting may be done by absentee ballot or Internet, in addition to waiting in line in the rain at a local grade school auditorium, at any time during the last seven days, from sunrise until midnight.

4:12 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home