"Protecting the Children"

Yet another phrase that make me sick.

Politicians like John, "look at me", McCain like to throw this phrase around a lot!

Whenever they need to look likeable they just say "Protect the children"

Excuse me senator, but go fuck yourself! Who put you in charge of the country's children in the first place? If I had kids I sure as hell wouldn't want you looking out for them. You see, you're a hypocrite. And if there's one thing I hate more than a politician it's a hypocritical politician.

Take for example the whole "Steroids in Baseball" thing.

Now, I'm not going to get into the fact that I could give a shit less if the players are juiced or not. Or the fact that most fans didn't really give a shit either. Or the "sanctity of the game" which is a complete load of shit!

What I will get into is that John McCain sat there and actually said the reason they were holding these hearings was "to protect the children"

Really? It looked like a whole lot of posturing for an '08 presidential run to me.

The fact is, steroids kill about....ZERO people a year when used correctly. Granted kids SHOULD NOT be using them. However, and this is the hypocritical part, tobacco kills upwards of 500,ooo fuckers every year in this country. Yet, congress is yet to call the owners of "Red Man" in front of it to testify about what their product is doing to the children of the WORLD!

Or the fact that thousands of kids start using chewing tobacco to be more like their favorite baseball players.

I suppose that big tobacco donates more money to political campaigns than Balco does, huh?

See, that's all I want from my politicians....Consistency. That's it! I don't expect much in the first place and that's the least I could get!

So, Mr. McCain, if you want my vote you are going to have to earn it with some real action and not these dog and pony shows you have been running.

And to Congress, who's next big issue is the "College Football, BCS System" ( I kid you not) find something better to do with our tax dollars.

You really want to protect our children? Start with impeaching the President!

The ACLU

I'm a liberal at heart and I lean left on most political issues. I favor legalized prostitution, legalized marijuana, and social programs for the poor. I'm against the ownership of assault weapons and am pro death penalty in certain cases.

With that said I'd like to say how much I hate the ACLU.

I know, I know...."They do a lot of good"

Yes and no.

I think sometimes in life you have to pick and choose your battles. Not every life is worth fighting for in my opinion.

I'll give you an example.

THE ACLU IS AGAINST MEGAN'S LAW!

The law that requires a neighborhood to be notified when a sex offender moves in next door.

What the fuck is wrong with ACLU? I've seen them on TV talking about "the rights" of the molester.

Now I'm of the opinion that if you molest or assault a child in anyway you have now forfeited your "rights" and should live the rest of your days in shame and ridicule. In fact, I don't think Megan's Law goes far enough. I favor the tattooing of the words "Child Fucker" on BOTH sides of your face.

The ACLU is so misguided and blind sometimes it's actually sickening.

I have an idea for a new reality show.

"The Molester Next Door"

What we do is we find an ACLU fuck head family with 4 young kids and move a child molester in next door. We can observe as the Molester is invited to dinner and is asked to babysit the kids one Saturday night. After all, they have paid their debt to society and should not be judged past the time they served.

What do you say ACLU? This show will raise tremendous "awareness" how child fuckers are just like everyone else!

No? Why not? Oh, because you don't want those type of people living near and around your children? Well, neither does anyone else so shut up and go do something better with your time.

I'm sure there's a candle light vigil for a serial rapist somewhere that needs attending.

The great landlord in the sky

I'm getting a little tired of the need to express concern or "feel bad" every time someone almost dies.

I know, I know that's a HORRIBLE thing to say!

However, I'll give you an example.

My girlfriend's mother's landlady had a stroke today. She's in really bad shape and my girlfriend is very upset by this having known the woman her entire life.

On the surface it seems like a sad story except that the woman is very out of shape and has been a chronic smoker her entire life. Just recently she was hospitalized and the doctor told her to quit smoking and start eating better. She told my girlfriend's mother that she refused to stop smoking and had a basic "kiss my ass" for the doctor.

Today, she strokes out...

Now, someone tell me why I should waste one minute "feeling bad" for this woman? She was warned, repeatedly, that her behaviors would do her in and refused to modify them at all.

I can't be bothered with ruining MY day every time one of these fat, smoking, none exercising, lazy, due nothings has their tickets punched by nature.

It reminds me when people actually cried when Jerry Garcia dropped dead. People actually said "why?"

Or better yet when John Candy dropped dead of a heart attack in the Arizona dessert while filming "Wagons East"

When you weigh 400 pounds and smoke FOUR packs a day stay out of the 115 degree heat asshole! I loved John Candy and I loved Jerry Garcia but I refuse to "feel bad" because they didn't seem to give a shit to begin with.

Listen, I'm a smoker and I told my girlfriend tonight if I smoke till I'm 60 and die of lung cancer please don't feel bad for me. I choose to be a dumb fuck and please don't burden yourself with the consequences of MY behavior.

In the end, I wish the landlady and her family well and I hope she recovers just fine. If she does I hope she begins to listen to her doctors and tries to get a bit more healthy. I hope, for her sake, it's not already too late .

KISS my ass

My girlfriend's best friend's husband is a huge KISS fan! He's one of those "Kiss Army" types.

Anyway, while we were at their house last night I was made to watch their new DVD "Rock the Nation" Now, I'm not a big Kiss fan by any stretch but I do enjoy some of their tunes. Granted, I think they suck for the most part but their place in Rock history, for better or worse, is pretty much secured. The fact they are not in the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame is a huge joke in my opinion.

And speaking of huge jokes...

We're watching this concert film and in between certain songs there are little short films of Kiss backstage. One where they are putting on their make up and another of a photo shoot they did.

Shit like that.

Anyway, the third film was the one that caught my attention. It was of a backstage "meet and greet" by the band with some of their fans. Pretty common thing really and I'm thinking "it's pretty cool that KISS does this every night"

NOT SO FAST...

I'm told that each fan has paid $1000 for the "honor" of being in attendance.

EXCUSE ME!!!!?????

Yes, apparently KISS doesn't make enough money recycling the same songs for 30 years they now have to charge their fans to meet them.

What do you get for your $1000 dollars? Well, you get one photo taken with them and one autograph. Keep in mind that only two of the original members are still in the band (Gene and Paul) so that's breaks down to $500 an autograph.

What a bunch of fucking assholes these guys are!

These guys should be so grateful that anyone even attends their shows anymore they should be blowing fans just for showing up in the first place (And I don't doubt Paul would)

I even tried to give them the benefit of the doubt thinking the money went towards a charity or something. That suggestion was just laughed at and I was told "the money just goes into Gene and Paul's pockets"

What a joke!

And just when I thought it couldn't get any worse Paul Stanley says "It's all about the love between the band and the fans and you can't put a price on that"

Well, excuse me Paul, but apparently you can you fucking loser!

Happy Hanukkah

To my Jewish friends... of which I have some very close ones.

I'd like to take this time to wish you a great 8 nights.

I'd also like to take this time to make you a deal...

I will admit that the idea of a virgin mother giving birth to the son of God is a bit crazy if you will give up the whole "don't eat pork" thing.

What do you say?

I say we find a single pregnant woman and ask her if she's carrying "the next Jesus"

After that we can reflect on our humor while sharing a BLT.

Tis the season!

Random Vent #6

Sometimes a bad gift is worse than no gift at all!

This holiday season I received the following as a "present"

A FREE tee shirt, given away at a bar, wrapped in tissue paper and placed in a fancy Christmas bag. They handed it to me, smiled and said "Merry Christmas"

I think I would have preferred they just shit in the bag and left it at that.

Is it December 26th yet?

Jesus Christ!

I mean LITERALLY....JESUS CHRIST!!!

Christmas was a tremendous pain the ass this year. I haven't posted in 10 days because I couldn't find the time.

I was dragged upstate New York by my girlfriend to visit her family. A tremendous group of cheap bastards, mopers, and whiners.

SEVEN hours in an over-packed car to get there and once there her aunt didn't even have a single thing to eat waiting for us! Not a single fucking cracker!

We stayed with her cousin, her husband and their obnoxious little shithead 3 year old. The kid spent three days yelling about everything. Not yelling because he was pissed or couldn't be heard just yelling for the sake of it.

Mother: Would you like some milk?

obnoxious shithead: YES I WANT SOME MILK!!!!

Holy shit...

Then we find out that their shower is broken and we'll need to take baths. Now, I'm a grown man and haven't taken a bath since I was 14 and the only reason I did that was to find out what jerking off under water felt like.

Anyway....

Her Cousin is one of these "I threw my life away on a man" people. Granted, her husband is a hick from Virginia who pulls down a whopping 35k a year (so she has a point) but please shut up! Worse yet, she starts telling my girlfriend to "make sure you're really in love" and "don't repeat my mistakes" about me. Now, my girlfriend is pretty hot and way out of my league. The only way someone like me gets someone like her IS BY MISTAKE! So I don't need this idiot pointing it out to her.

After three days we finally leave to come home.

Oh, I almost forgot.... It's really fucking cold up there. Negative fucking 8 in the morning! It does "warm up" to a balmy 17 degrees by lunch. And of course there's always that one asshole, like her uncle, who tells you "it's really not that cold" when it's literally 1 degree outside! Or my favorite, and I'm not making this up, "It's a dry cold"

WHAT?

On the way home I start coming down with something that develops into an ear infection and strept throat by the next day. Now, I NEVER get sick but right now I'm on antibiotics for the first time in five years.

Now, I get back from Siberia to find out that my cat has seriously injured himself while we were gone. He caught his arm on something and really fucked himself up. A trip to the vet, $146 later, and he's okay.

I'm stuck in bed and I still haven't gotten most of my Christmas shopping done. I dragged myself out on the 23rd and got it all done while deathly ill. I got my girlfriend a pearl ring which she flipped for which should conceal her "mistake" until her birthday in April when I'll have to come up with something bigger and better.

She told her parents we would host Christmas dinner this year so I spent all day today cooking for her folks who, luckily, are nothing like her upstate relatives. They are really lovely, generous people and we had a nice day.

All can say is, thank God Mary wasn't in a prolonged labor with Jesus because I can't take one more day of this!

Those damn Mexicans

I'm soooo sick and tired of hearing Americans bitch and moan about the Mexican immigrants taking "our jobs"

Unless you a Cherokee Indian you need to shut the fuck up and kiss my ass!

Your family is only here because, in most cases, your great grandparents decided to get on a boat and come here. Why does that entitle you to deny other people access to the American Dream? Because you woke up from it and realized it takes actually work to succeed in life?

The illegal immigrant is essential to our way of life. The enable us to eat reasonably priced produce and to stuff our fat American faces at restaurants on the weekends. They aren't taking "our jobs" they are taking the jobs we're too proud to do.

If you are really upset by these Mexicans then I'll make you a deal...

You can mow my lawn come spring time and I'll pay you the minimum wage to do so.

Better yet, my friend is the manager at a Chilis and I'll get you a job washing the dishes seven nights a week for $400.

Sound good? If not, shut the fuck up and do something better with your time and energy than trying to piss on people's American Dream. You know, the original one your grandparents dreamt long before your entitled ass was born.

Random Vent #5

People with cold sores do not need to kiss me hello!

It seems at every holiday party I attend there is some woman with a cold sore kissing me hello.

Do me a favor and don't! I don't need your STD dripping down my face.

And no, you can't have a sip of my eggnog.

Presidential Double Talk

Now, in general, I'm not going to be political here. There are plenty of other blogs for that.

However, this pissed me off yesterday. In his speech yesterday Curious George said this...

In response to the fact there were no WMDs in Iraq

"It is true that much of the intelligence turned out to be wrong,"

Then he says...

"Saddam was a threat and the American people...."

Huh?

How exactly was Saddam a threat to us if he had no weapons????


Was he going to load a camel into a catapult and launch it at us?

Dear Dubya,

While I'm happy to see you being honest with the American people maybe next time you can just say "I'm sorry" and leave it at that.

Dear Friends with children....

I'm gonna say this with as much tact as possible.

Your fucking kids are ugly!

I hope I'm not the one that's first breaking this new to you but it has to be broke.

Please stop dragging them to the local Sears or Walmart to have these photos taken. There is no need to document every month of their mongoloid existence.

If you have to take them to be photographed please refrain from sending me pictures of them during the holiday season. It honestly hurts my eyes to see them.

If anyone reading this wants to know if they have ugly children here's what you look for....

When the children are photographed with the family dog... the dog is far and away the best looking one in the photo.

Trust me, these kids are going to be picked on and teased their whole lives. There is no need for a running document of their "development"

Random Vent #4

My Friends Wives and Girlfriends

Where does it say once you get involved in a relationship all activities must include the other person?

Why do I need to play poker and watch football with these women. More importantly, why do they feel the need to be there.

Don't they have any friends of their own?

It seems that every one of my friends has managed to find the loniest woman in their respective towns.

I'm all for a "couples night" on Saturday night. Dinner and a movie? Fine. After all, after a week with this person how much do you really have to say to them on the weekend? I understand that.

However, come kick off on Sunday or the cutting of the cards on poker night I want the women gone!

An Open letter to George Carlin

Dear George,

Upon viewing your latest HBO special, "Life is Worth Losing" I have a simple request for you.....


Please be funny again. Please?

George, your a genius. The greatest stand up of all time. However, where as you used to be funny and biting, these days you just bite.

Your just angry these days. Bitter and angry. I can understand at 70+ you've seen enough to get you good and pissed but can't you try and mix in a joke or two?

I would hate for you to die like Richard did this week and have your last piece of work be this last HBO special.

Bring back the play on words, the witty observations, the dead on social commentary. Drop the hate!

These days you remind me of the old man across the street who yells at me every time I park too close to his driveway! I HATE that old man.

But I love you George and just want my all-time favorite comedian to do what's he's always done best.

Make me laugh.

Thanks in advance,

Annoyed

Random Vent #3

These fucking Salvation Army pricks with their pussy-ass bells.

Now, I have nothing against the Salvation Army...They do a lot of good. However, I find it hard to believe that in all these years none of these pricks outside the supermarkets and bus stations couldn't have learned at least one tune. Just one tune!

Every year it's the same thing "CLANG, CLANG, CLANG" "Give us some money!

Well, excuse me but you're gonna have to try harder than that!

Ring me off a few verses of "Jingle Bells" or if there's two of you maybe a nice rendition of "Silent Night"

Hell a drunk bum in the subway playing a one-stringed guitar he found in the trash makes more of an effort to play an actual SONG!!!

You want my money Salvation Army? Than earn it!

This time I'm really going to stay on top of this...

See, I like this blog thing but I hate typing. But, I'm still angry so I need some sort of release. I'm going to try and update this a couple of times a week. If not you'll have to get over it and find something else to do with your pathetic lives than surf the internet reading about other people's lives!