How I Spent My Friday Night
So my old neighbor calls me up and asks me to work security for his daughter's sweet 16 party. And by "security" he wants me to make sure none of the little bastards are drinking or smoking pot in the bathroom.
Now, this goes against everything I believe in...
1. I'm no narc!
2. Trying to sneak drinks is what kids are supposed to do at these things!
3. If I actually walk in on some 16 year olds smoking pot in the bathroom I'm just gonna take a hit and walk out!
So, I tell him "I don't know, I just think..."
He offers me $200 cash to do it.
"I'm your guy!"
I get to this thing and it's not even a challenge. Within five minutes I know exactly who's drunk and tell my old neighbor.
"Well, are they driving?" he asks. I tell him they aren't and then he doesn't even give a shit! Could care less. I figure out that I'm just there so if one of these kids starts throwing up in the back seat of their parent's Lexus on the way home he can say "I had a guy...." And remove himself from all blame.
So, at this point I tell the kids.... "Do what you want, just don't do it in front of me." They understand and that was that.
I spent the rest of the night changing the world...One young life at a time.
Conversation #1
With my neighbor's daughter's boyfriend who I have met before.
Annoyed: So, you still thinking about going into the Army?
Boyfriend: I guess.
Annoyed: Why in the fuck would you do that?
Boyfriend: Well, it's either that or County College.
Annoyed: You do realize we're in a war right now? A war that you WILL be sent to fight in!
Boyfriend: Yeah, it's just that I don't have many choices.
Annoyed: Well, if you get killed in Iraq you won't have ANY more choices. You'll just be fucking dead!
Boyfriend: Yeah
At the end of the night he told me he's going to visit the County College this week and will not be joining the Army!
Mission accomplished!
Conversation #2
Teenage Girl: I got the alphabet on my report card! A,B,C,D and E!
Annoyed: What'd ya fail?
Teenage Girl: What?
Annoyed: What did you get the E in?
Teenage Girl: Geometry
Annoyed: Cool! And the D?
Teenage Girl: Biology.
Annoyed: Awesome! So what the hell did you get the A in?
Teenage Girl: Television Production.
She hangs her head a bit while telling me this.
Annoyed: Excellent! Let me tell you something.... Math and Science are bullshit! You really want to make a lot of money someday stick with TV! Entertaining America pays better than curing its' diseases and solving its' equations. Trust me.
She smiles and says "thanks"
I should have been a guidance counselor.
posted by Mr. A at 12:18 PM
9 Comments:
*Cue after-school special music*
roflmao...changing amierica's youth one adolescent mind at a time!!!
My first year at University I lived in residence.....'bout a month into the term I found out that peeps had me pegged for a narc....now THAT was funny!!!
Counsellor Annoyed!!!
You'd make a great one!!! As you understand these kids!!!
My hubs is a principal of a school and he says the biggest problem is teachers who dont understand kids...
Love the sixteen candles pictures that's one of my faves...
YOU RULE!!!
Hi... new here.
I'm a cop.
I like your ideas.
Especially about the kid NOT joining the army (I've been shot at... it ain't cool).
Cheers,
GF
First - Love Sixteen Candles. That and the Breakfeast Club. In a nut shell, describes my youth.
Anyway, now that I'm a parent of 3 kids, 2 who are teenages I think, Geez, I hope they never do half the stuff I did. Knock on wood, they haven't. But I'm no fool, eventually, they will, they are human. They will drink, they will have sex and they will do something stupid (I do).
The key here, is did I give them the information they needed to make an informed decision? yes, I said informed - that means, do they know the risks? Kids are smarter than we give them credit for, just tell them like it is.
Yeah, I think you'd do just fine as a counselor;))) Love the movie references.
you should speak at "Carrer week".
Congratulations on talking the kid out of the army.
Whoever destroys a soul, it is considered as if he destroyed an entire world. And whoever saves a life, it is considered as if he saved an entire world.
Jerusalem Talmud, Sanhedrin 4:1 (22a)
The basic principle being that not only did you save that kid, but all of his offspring for all eternity.
Besides County College rocks. I met some lifelong friends there.
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