Weekend in Review
FRIDAY -
I get up and do nothing. Play some on line poker and get good and angry at all the bad beats I'm taking. This is nothing new at this point but I keep playing anyway. I'm pretty good at it and it never ceases to be "different"..... Different ways to get my balls kicked in!
Later, my girlfriend and I decide to go food shopping. I HATE this activity with her. She likes to go in EVERY aisle and pick out things! She's very health concise so she's always looking at the nutritional facts and calories.
Like the old saying goes.... "Men hunt, women gather"
Now, when I go to the supermarket there are only a few places I need to go...
1. The Deli Department to pick up some fresh loose meat.
2. The Junk Food aisle to see what's on sale. I'm not picky, as long as it's full of salt and artificial flavor I will buy it and eat it!
3. The freezer section to see what frozen entrees on are sale. I like quick meals that I don't have to clean up after. To me, a frozen block of lasagna and a plastic fork are the stuff dreams are made of!
4. The Ice cream section. Ben and Jerry's or Haagen Daz... Doesn't matter to me. (see #2)
And that's it! Maybe some bread for the loose meat and one or two other items and I'm gone!
Back to my girlfriend.... She's picking out vegetables and fruit and whole wheat shit!
I'm pushing the cart...
Anyway, the highlight of this trip was when I passed a girl and her mother. They were bookends. VERY large, short, bookends. The daughter is about 15 years old, four-foot-eight, TWO HUNDRED pounds, wearing a TIGHT green shirt that reads "Dancing Machine"
HOLY SHIT! It was the funniest thing I've ever seen. I made my girlfriend seek her out and look for herself.
That night my girlfriend and I get into a fight. We don't fight very often. In fact, it was maybe the third fight we've had in over a year. My buddy A.S.S. calls during it and I ramble about why.
A few more bad beats on line and I go to bed...
SATURDAY -
I get up and my girlfriend and I are still not speaking. She leaves the house and I'm back at the poker table. My buddy A.S.S. calls again and I tell him what happened. Now, he had spoken to my girlfriend the night before when he called and heard her side of what was going on and in his opinion, I was mad about nothing. In fact, he thought I had the whole thing wrong! I assured him that not only wasn't I "wrong" but, in fact, I was "158% RIGHT!"
Well..... I was wrong.
I had mis-heard something she said the night before and was pissed off over nothing. In turn, she was pissed at me for a very good reason.
I'm an ASSHOLE!!!
We made up because she is a wonderful, forgiving, PATIENT person.
A beautiful person inside and out (she reads this)
A.S.S. and his girlfriend make plans with us and then blow us off.... Fuck head!
Anyway, I'm feeling so bad that I offer to take her to the movies... I HATE going to the movies. There are so many reasons that I will have to do a separate post someday. Either way, she knows this and sees that I really feel bad about the fight and is happy to go!
We got as far as 20 feet from the lobby door and that was it! I couldn't do it. There were hoards of teenagers going into the theatre at the same time we were. I knew these kids were going to wind up right behind me and she knew it as well. She appreciated the effort and we agreed to hit a matinee next weekend.
Again, patience....
We hit Blockbuster and rented The Family Stone I was still feeling bad and agreed to watch this chick-flick turd because I knew she wanted to. Oh, and it was a TURD!
This is how bad it was...Luke Wilson was in it and during one scene he's standing in a pair of tight sweatpants sporting some major morning wood... I say out loud "I have a feeling Rusty LOVES this movie" and my girlfriend and I laughed... The only time we laughed!
SUNDAY -
I wake up and eat four doughnuts and two bagels... I'm a fat fuck! I watch Diehard and the Yankees get their asses kicked again.
We make plans to go visit with some friends of my girlfriend's and they flake out as well... Fuck Heads! (something about oral surgery and a numb face....)
Now I'm waiting for Deadwood tonight. I look forward to this all weekend. As I've posted before, it's leaving the air soon and I will be forced to turn elsewhere for my brilliant television.
Here's an edited episode.... Only the curse words are left. If you enjoy obscene, vulgar language as much as I do (and I know some of you do!) click on this...
RANDOM THOUGHTS
- Caught some of "America's Got Talent" this weekend and two things leaped out.
1. Any "talent" show judged by David Hasslehoof can not be taken seriously.
2. There was a group called "Sugar and Spice" They were an all black group! If you are going to call yourself "SUGAR and Spice" you need at least ONE white fuck in the mix!
- "Big" News from Saturday Night Live
Seems Tina Fey is leaving to write her own sitcom.... Does anyone care? Tina Fey has been the head-writer over there for the past six years. Arguably, the WORST six years the show has been on the air. Why they would use her name to sell anything new is beyond me... She's already had one sitcom idea fail and this one will tank too. Their best shot was to hope no one made the connection and gave the show a chance.
I get up and do nothing. Play some on line poker and get good and angry at all the bad beats I'm taking. This is nothing new at this point but I keep playing anyway. I'm pretty good at it and it never ceases to be "different"..... Different ways to get my balls kicked in!
Later, my girlfriend and I decide to go food shopping. I HATE this activity with her. She likes to go in EVERY aisle and pick out things! She's very health concise so she's always looking at the nutritional facts and calories.
Like the old saying goes.... "Men hunt, women gather"
Now, when I go to the supermarket there are only a few places I need to go...
1. The Deli Department to pick up some fresh loose meat.
2. The Junk Food aisle to see what's on sale. I'm not picky, as long as it's full of salt and artificial flavor I will buy it and eat it!
3. The freezer section to see what frozen entrees on are sale. I like quick meals that I don't have to clean up after. To me, a frozen block of lasagna and a plastic fork are the stuff dreams are made of!
4. The Ice cream section. Ben and Jerry's or Haagen Daz... Doesn't matter to me. (see #2)
And that's it! Maybe some bread for the loose meat and one or two other items and I'm gone!
Back to my girlfriend.... She's picking out vegetables and fruit and whole wheat shit!
I'm pushing the cart...
Anyway, the highlight of this trip was when I passed a girl and her mother. They were bookends. VERY large, short, bookends. The daughter is about 15 years old, four-foot-eight, TWO HUNDRED pounds, wearing a TIGHT green shirt that reads "Dancing Machine"
HOLY SHIT! It was the funniest thing I've ever seen. I made my girlfriend seek her out and look for herself.
That night my girlfriend and I get into a fight. We don't fight very often. In fact, it was maybe the third fight we've had in over a year. My buddy A.S.S. calls during it and I ramble about why.
A few more bad beats on line and I go to bed...
SATURDAY -
I get up and my girlfriend and I are still not speaking. She leaves the house and I'm back at the poker table. My buddy A.S.S. calls again and I tell him what happened. Now, he had spoken to my girlfriend the night before when he called and heard her side of what was going on and in his opinion, I was mad about nothing. In fact, he thought I had the whole thing wrong! I assured him that not only wasn't I "wrong" but, in fact, I was "158% RIGHT!"
Well..... I was wrong.
I had mis-heard something she said the night before and was pissed off over nothing. In turn, she was pissed at me for a very good reason.
I'm an ASSHOLE!!!
We made up because she is a wonderful, forgiving, PATIENT person.
A beautiful person inside and out (she reads this)
A.S.S. and his girlfriend make plans with us and then blow us off.... Fuck head!
Anyway, I'm feeling so bad that I offer to take her to the movies... I HATE going to the movies. There are so many reasons that I will have to do a separate post someday. Either way, she knows this and sees that I really feel bad about the fight and is happy to go!
We got as far as 20 feet from the lobby door and that was it! I couldn't do it. There were hoards of teenagers going into the theatre at the same time we were. I knew these kids were going to wind up right behind me and she knew it as well. She appreciated the effort and we agreed to hit a matinee next weekend.
Again, patience....
We hit Blockbuster and rented The Family Stone I was still feeling bad and agreed to watch this chick-flick turd because I knew she wanted to. Oh, and it was a TURD!
This is how bad it was...Luke Wilson was in it and during one scene he's standing in a pair of tight sweatpants sporting some major morning wood... I say out loud "I have a feeling Rusty LOVES this movie" and my girlfriend and I laughed... The only time we laughed!
SUNDAY -
I wake up and eat four doughnuts and two bagels... I'm a fat fuck! I watch Diehard and the Yankees get their asses kicked again.
We make plans to go visit with some friends of my girlfriend's and they flake out as well... Fuck Heads! (something about oral surgery and a numb face....)
Now I'm waiting for Deadwood tonight. I look forward to this all weekend. As I've posted before, it's leaving the air soon and I will be forced to turn elsewhere for my brilliant television.
Here's an edited episode.... Only the curse words are left. If you enjoy obscene, vulgar language as much as I do (and I know some of you do!) click on this...
RANDOM THOUGHTS
- Caught some of "America's Got Talent" this weekend and two things leaped out.
1. Any "talent" show judged by David Hasslehoof can not be taken seriously.
2. There was a group called "Sugar and Spice" They were an all black group! If you are going to call yourself "SUGAR and Spice" you need at least ONE white fuck in the mix!
- "Big" News from Saturday Night Live
Seems Tina Fey is leaving to write her own sitcom.... Does anyone care? Tina Fey has been the head-writer over there for the past six years. Arguably, the WORST six years the show has been on the air. Why they would use her name to sell anything new is beyond me... She's already had one sitcom idea fail and this one will tank too. Their best shot was to hope no one made the connection and gave the show a chance.
posted by Mr. A at 3:18 PM
10 Comments:
I guessed you were from the east coast the minute I read you went "food shopping!" That is such an east coast phrase (I lived in PA for seven years).
i used to work at burger king when i was young and i still remember a HUGE woman coming in, ordering the entire left side of the menu, and she was wearing a shirt that said, 'every inch a woman.'
Great stuff here! I agree 100% on the movies, though. We never go because I can't deal with the crowds. I don't think I've been to a non-matinee (or non-midnight) show in ages. Just can't deal.
- D.
I've actually never seen that movie, but as soon as I read that, I knew I was going to get a mention! Luke with morning wood?! Good Lord.
Yeah, we say "food shopping", too, here in PA...you were totally right, Manic Mom.
I see those stupid t-shirts with ridiculous sayings on them on little girls of every size. They're kind of inappropriate no matter how big the girl is!
Hotwire, I love that shirt! I'm no tiny thing, either, and I think that's great! Don't know if I'd wear it in public, though...
I don't like online poker. I don't trust the algorithms.
You can't forget the BBQ section. You never know when a nice rib-eye will be on sale.
Tina Fey many not be the best act around, but she is definetely going to be my next ex-girlfriend. Tina and Jordana Brewster that is.
What do they call it elsewhere?
"Going to the market"
Just curious...
Yup, Food Shopping. I didn't know anyone called it anything else (I am from the Northeast too.) Does your girlfriend insist on having a wagon when all you grab is one of those useless baskets that you overfill and can no longer carry?
The Family Stone is the pits (stone/pits, get it?)
Fresh-
I was lime green with block white letters...no design, just the words! And the only kind of dncing she was going to do was break dancing.... if she lay on her back and someone spun her around!
Pog-
When I fly solo to the store I grab one of those baskets and always overfill it! It weighs a good 30 pounds when I'm done and shit is usually falling out of it onto the floor.
"Men hunt, women gather". Okay. Now: (regarding toilet paper)
"Men fold, women bundle"
Hey! At least if you can't wake up in time to go have lunch with me you can at least write something new and funny! HURRY UP!
:)
Post a Comment
<< Home