Guest Blog #1
As previously stated I will be welcoming guest bloggers from time to time. Anyone reading this Blog may email me a post at the following address... people_places_things@hotmail.com
Posts, if accepted, will appear unedited with full credit going to their original author...
The first guest post comes from the Great State of New Jersey. This guy is angry for sure and one of my good friends....
Enjoy!
It has come to this. No longer are my daily rants confined just to what would be my normal voice-carrying radius. A somewhat larger radius than what most might consider normal or appropriate but a finite radius none the less. I come to you today from a medium that I am neither comfortable nor familiar with. A medium of infinite scope and reach. A medium from which my angry, sarcastic, & scoffing tone my not be fully realized do to my somewhat underdeveloped writing skills. I must stress to you that any voice you give to these words in your head should have the inflection of anger, sarcasm and scoff, as that is what represents the true nature of my being. It is in fact my A.S.S. personality that makes me the perfect guest for this Blog as the people, places and things that tend to annoy me quite possibly have the same infinite scope and reach as this medium. I would like to thank my gracious host for allowing me this forum. I would also like to formally apologize to him for staring at or speaking of his girlfriend’s breasts longer than what also might be considered normal or appropriate.
A.S.S. Post #1
I want to speak a little about all you Jesus loving, Kumbaya singing, Yoga practicing, non-meat eating, generally happy and well mannered people who feel it is necessary to hold open doors to make yourselves feel better about your own fucking flower smelling existence. Every morning I wake up and get ready for work. Bleary eyed I make it out of my house, get into my 97 Maxima, and fight my way half asleep through the cell phone chatting, mini van driving, child toting, malcontent commuter motor speedway of death and carnage that is RT 287. Having survived certain demise for the umpteenth time I arrive at work, grab my laptop and stroll peacefully toward the south entrance. I’m now 90% awake and have reluctantly transitioned into work mode. I am collecting my thoughts, and looking forward to my last moments of peace and quiet until the end of my day. I am 15 feet from the door when it happens. Some Jolly, Effusive, Repulsive, Kingdom of G-d loving, Overjoyed Fucking Free and Easygoing person (J.E.R.K.O.F.F. for short) makes eye contact with me. He opens the door widely, smiles warmly and extends his overchunked arm as to say "Welcome friend. I hold this door for you as an acknowledgement of your existence and as a symbol of my concern for your well being." The word "Motherfucker!" rings through my mind as a storm akin to an arctic blast colliding with a tropical depression begins to swell within me. What had started as a peaceful stroll has now transitioned into a hurried trot as not to give the somewhat less than politically correct appearance that I would rather be locked out of the building naked, in sub zero temperatures than have to appear grateful to him for making me run for a door that I am more than capable of opening for myself. I realize that to the casual observer I may not have the appearance of a triathlete. However I do not exhibit signs of physical impairment either. There is absolutely no reason why this J.E.R.K.O.F.F. should feel the need to hold open the door for me less I might find him lacking as a human being. What he fails to consider is that like most other people I already find him lacking. Bottom line is this. The next time you open a door, step through the opening and let it close behind you. Now there is a distinct possibility I may be secretly hoping for the door to hit and injure you in some way, but at least you will have my respect for not ruining my morning stroll.
Posts, if accepted, will appear unedited with full credit going to their original author...
The first guest post comes from the Great State of New Jersey. This guy is angry for sure and one of my good friends....
Enjoy!
It has come to this. No longer are my daily rants confined just to what would be my normal voice-carrying radius. A somewhat larger radius than what most might consider normal or appropriate but a finite radius none the less. I come to you today from a medium that I am neither comfortable nor familiar with. A medium of infinite scope and reach. A medium from which my angry, sarcastic, & scoffing tone my not be fully realized do to my somewhat underdeveloped writing skills. I must stress to you that any voice you give to these words in your head should have the inflection of anger, sarcasm and scoff, as that is what represents the true nature of my being. It is in fact my A.S.S. personality that makes me the perfect guest for this Blog as the people, places and things that tend to annoy me quite possibly have the same infinite scope and reach as this medium. I would like to thank my gracious host for allowing me this forum. I would also like to formally apologize to him for staring at or speaking of his girlfriend’s breasts longer than what also might be considered normal or appropriate.
A.S.S. Post #1
I want to speak a little about all you Jesus loving, Kumbaya singing, Yoga practicing, non-meat eating, generally happy and well mannered people who feel it is necessary to hold open doors to make yourselves feel better about your own fucking flower smelling existence. Every morning I wake up and get ready for work. Bleary eyed I make it out of my house, get into my 97 Maxima, and fight my way half asleep through the cell phone chatting, mini van driving, child toting, malcontent commuter motor speedway of death and carnage that is RT 287. Having survived certain demise for the umpteenth time I arrive at work, grab my laptop and stroll peacefully toward the south entrance. I’m now 90% awake and have reluctantly transitioned into work mode. I am collecting my thoughts, and looking forward to my last moments of peace and quiet until the end of my day. I am 15 feet from the door when it happens. Some Jolly, Effusive, Repulsive, Kingdom of G-d loving, Overjoyed Fucking Free and Easygoing person (J.E.R.K.O.F.F. for short) makes eye contact with me. He opens the door widely, smiles warmly and extends his overchunked arm as to say "Welcome friend. I hold this door for you as an acknowledgement of your existence and as a symbol of my concern for your well being." The word "Motherfucker!" rings through my mind as a storm akin to an arctic blast colliding with a tropical depression begins to swell within me. What had started as a peaceful stroll has now transitioned into a hurried trot as not to give the somewhat less than politically correct appearance that I would rather be locked out of the building naked, in sub zero temperatures than have to appear grateful to him for making me run for a door that I am more than capable of opening for myself. I realize that to the casual observer I may not have the appearance of a triathlete. However I do not exhibit signs of physical impairment either. There is absolutely no reason why this J.E.R.K.O.F.F. should feel the need to hold open the door for me less I might find him lacking as a human being. What he fails to consider is that like most other people I already find him lacking. Bottom line is this. The next time you open a door, step through the opening and let it close behind you. Now there is a distinct possibility I may be secretly hoping for the door to hit and injure you in some way, but at least you will have my respect for not ruining my morning stroll.
posted by Mr. A at 4:02 PM
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